It was a beautiful summer day in northern San Diego, perfect for a lunchtime drive in nearby mountains. The tranquil beauty set the perfect ambiance for reflecting on life, only my own life was not nearly so tranquil as the greenery around me. My own road was pretty rocky with cliffs looming at every turn, leaving me in a state of constant anxiety and not knowing what to do to change it. How did I get here?
I was a “fixer.” I really thought I could change people. My sister recognized this before I did and referred to certain of my relationships as my “projects.” Desperate to be loved, I married one of those on again, off again projects. Red flags were everywhere, but I recklessly ignored them. The unhealthy co-dependence was like a non-union fracture that would not, could not heal and crippled my judgment.
Such was my mangled state of mind while driving against the backdrop of God’s majesty. I couldn’t do it anymore. Why not just drive off that cliff? I could end all my pain quickly…but that would hurt my Mom. (Does she know she was a big part of why I am still here?) And then God! He spoke into me a verse I didn’t even know I knew:
“I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10
THAT was what I wanted! I did not want to just exist but to truly live! All at once I finally understood just how much Jesus loved me, and that this was not my problem to fix. That moment set the trajectory for the course of my life. He brought me home to Himself.
What road are you traveling? Are you trying to travel it alone? Are you trying to fix a broken down vehicle but, in truth, you don’t have the tools or know-how? Let the Master Mechanic seal up the cracks and make you whole. Let’s travel this journey together with Him.